I’m such a nerd that my younger brother didn’t reply to me on skype until I told on him to my mom and she told him to talk to me

so today I got to Oslo with all of my luggage to drag through museums. Then the wheel broke off of my suitcase, which weighs too much to cary. So I started literally dragging it through the street in search of a luggage shop, and the bottom tore apart. When I realized I could drag it no further without dumping my stuff everywhere, I almost cried. Then my shoe literally fell apart, and I just started laughing and had to throw my shoes away. I walked barefoot through Oslo alternating between carrying my suitcase five feet at a time and dragging it, and everyone was staring at me. I finally found a mall, and put on some socks and went inside. I bought new shoes and a suitcase. Did not go to a museum. It has been an eventful day.

being in norway is hilarious because i go to a cookout and learn how to cook meat the same way vikings did and then i go to the lake and someone just points at a pit and says “by the way that’s where vikings used to cook” and then we look at books that tell us about ancient vikings and then we learn about viking food some more and then we watch vikings the show and anytime anyone says norway is just vikings they are NOT generalizing.

VIDEO

i fought valiantly but could not get through their advancing numbers. whatever, i died a warriors death. take me to valhalla.

this is ragnar lothbrok the bun and we’re watching vikings together.

this is ragnar lothbrok the bun and we’re watching vikings together.

that whole “then who’s flying the plane?? ? ??” gag is so ridiculous because alright i understand how the first guy would leave the cockpit knowing the second guy had it covered. but then the second guy had to literally look around the otherwise empty room and see no one there and not register it and leave the controls and only later realize NO ONE IS FLYING THE PLANE?? ? ? ??? ? ?

I’m going to visit a museum in Oslo but nobody else has free time this week so everyone like “oh it’s unfortunate no one can go with you!” are you kidding me?? on my own in a museum is my ideal situation. i can see everything i want and i don’t have to listen to anyone tell me i’ve been staring at a mummy for too long or that “smelling dinosaur bones is weird.” they smell like history get with it.

A  MVOIE ABOUT THE MSOT FAMOUS JEWISH MAN IN ALL HSITORY AND

The Guy ISnT EJEWISh

christian bale playing moses though he’s like

"let my people go"

and rhamses is just like “dude there are no white slaves dont stress.”

the baby bunnies here fit in my pocket and im taking them all with me.

so the farmer here keeps bees but recently he’s been moving some of the hives around and we never notice him doing it and he picks random spots so it’s like literally waking up and wondering where an entire swarm of bees will be today.

every time i go somewhere new i just look for old sweaters to buy and this travelers guide for young people in norway literally has a highlight called “buy norwegian sweaters” and it informs that “they cost shitloads.” gods bless.

a few months ago, the lock on my driver-side car door broke. that was troublesome, because I have a very important regimen about getting in my car when I’m alone. before I put down anything in my hand or sort anything out, I get in my car and lock the door. this is because bad people, usually men, watch and wait for women to get in their cars. then they pull the door open and do terrible things. when I told women the lock was broken, they all told me it was unsafe and to have it fixed immediately.  when I took my car to the shop and asked to have this repaired, when I told men that I was paying to get my door-lock fixed, they all said the same thing: “why don’y you just take your valuables inside with you so no one steals them?”

women are worried about getting raped. men are worried about losing their ipods.

don’t tell me there isn’t something wrong here.

do you know what’s annoying?? when people meet me i’ve realized by the way they act around me that they think i’m unintelligent. so i started observing the way i act around new people. i’m enthusiastic. i get excited about little things like jurassic park and ant hills. ant hill are cool, alright? i’m in a good mood and laugh a little too loudly and talk a little too much. you know who is immediately assumed to be intelligent? quiet, brooding cynics who have lost their faith in the world and sit there quietly considering how much they dislike meeting new people. squash this. sQUASH THE IDEA THAT being dark and mysterious and cynical = intelligence while being enthusiastic and optimistic and trusting = naive, stupid, childish. fucking throw that right out the window.

i want you all to know that if you mention some sexual object in conversation like anal beads or whatever you better be ready to explain what it is and how it’s used because i will ask.